Okay, I've been doing a half-assed blog for a while now. Well, maybe quarter-assed at best. Quarter-assed is a lot harder to measure, when you think about it, because half-assed has a natural dividing line built in. Anyway, up to now I've confined my blog entries to the most yawn-inducing parts of my life. I did that on purpose, believing that if I wrote about the things that really happened to me I would immediately be subject government scrutiny and very possibly alien abduction. However, I've decided that it's time the public knows the truth. Maybe Jack Nicholson is correct and you can't handle the truth, but as far as I'm concerned that's between you and your therapist.
So, a little background. First of all, time passes differently for me. My days are actually 29 hours and 17 minutes long for the most part, although there are times when I live in dog years. I do this as a courtesy to Emily and Peaches and they do appreciate it. If you've kept up on the boring stuff I've written previously, then you'll know that Peaches is ostensibly the most recent canine addition to our family. In actuality, Peaches is exiled alien royalty as are all of our "pets" (except for Nemo, who is a retired assassin who's wanted in twelve systems). Peaches is, in reality, the legal heir to a kingdom that exists inside a ceramic thimble in a collection owned by an elderly retired muleskinner in New Brunswick. I'd tell you more about her but she'd rather I didn't because the memories of her overthrow are still too fresh. I still have to spend a great deal of time every day reassuring her that the plot was the work of a few evil individuals and that the majority of her subjects are still loyal and long for her return.
That's probably enough for one day. I don't want to overwhelm you with such a tsunami of heretofore hidden information that it becomes unbelievable. Don't worry though, there's more on the way soon.
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